How Many Times Do Queer Ladies Have Intercourse?

Our Lesbian Intercourse Survey — open to any or all ladies who have sexual intercourse with women — garnered 8,566 complete reactions and provided us lots of information regarding your pony-riding practices. One of many things we asked about had been how many times you have got intercourse, because everyone is f*cking enthusiastic about how frequently everyone else is having sex! It’s the fact your friend whisper-asks you when you state you’re perhaps maybe not certain that your long-lasting relationship is working any longer, “how usually have you got sex? ” It’s the one thing people brag about if they begin a unique relationship, too. But following the U-Haul dust clears, many same-sex couples that are female forever haunted by the alternative of Lesbian Bed Death and, in an attempt to deter this fate, we appear unnaturally disposed to tracking everybody’s frequency to ensure we’re all on par.

Nonetheless it’s not only queers that are centered on this quantity. Looking for fundamental data on intimate regularity for the basic populace had been like getting a needle in a haystack, because heteros will altherefore be so fascinated by this subject that they’re seemingly in a position to create endless articles about any of it… none of that incorporate any conclusive numbers. Everybody’s focused on just exactly just what intimate regularity means in regards to the power of these relationship, you realize?

Most of the available information is old, which matters because there’s a great deal of data showing that sexual behavior generally speaking went down during the last 5-10 years, specially amongst young adults that are sex later on much less frequently. Why? Demonstrably it is ’cause everyone is really busy playing in the interwebs and over-intellectualizing!

Some good figures I found add:

  • There’s one medical practitioner on the market whom unearthed that maried people underneath the chronilogical age of 30 have sexual intercourse on average about twice per week.
  • A year, married people under thirty have sex about 111 times a year, and 15 percent of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year in 2009, The New York Times cited research that all married men and women have sex 58 times.
  • The guts for Health advertising at Indiana University discovered 61 percent of singles hadn’t had intercourse inside the previous 12 months, opposed to 18 per cent of married people, and therefore married people between your many years of 25 and 59 were making love 2-3 times each week. (There’s more good information for the reason that research however it’s no more online that is available
  • An oft-cited research found that the median American adult under 40 has intercourse once weekly and about 10% have sexual intercourse at the very least four times per week.

We additionally discovered this, through the Kinsey Institute, which apparently just asks about penetrative intercourse:

There, don’t you’re feeling as you understand every thing now? Me personally too. So now let’s speak about the women who like women who responded our study! First, a thing to understand is the fact that 89% of our study respondents had been involving the many years of 18 and 36.

Therefore, in a great globe, how frequently would our participants sex that is having? And just how frequently will they be sex that is actually having? Simply take a gander:

There’s a conception that is popular individuals in non-monogamous relationships are experiencing intercourse more regularly compared to those in monogamous relationships, but our studies have shown that is not the case. The figures are very nearly precisely also, while you can see above.

One other many striking component of the information is 35% of you wish to be having sex as soon as a time or maybe more, and just 3.69% of you may be having sex when every single day or higher. It is feasible that everyone believes they need intercourse far more frequently than they really do, however it’s additionally feasible that after we imagine an “ideal world”, we imagine some sort of where we work 40 hours per week in place of 70, aren’t therefore damn exhausted after placing the young ones to sleep, or weren’t suffering anxiety or psychological conditions that make intercourse difficult to be equipped for.

We now have therefore much information to glance at right right here, but today’s focus will undoubtedly be on intimate frequency within relationships, both monogamous and non-monogamous. Let’s enter it.

What’s the strongest predictor of simply how much sex you’re having?

It’s not age, it’s perhaps not want, it is maybe not just how many lovers you’ve had or whenever you lost your virginity — it is just how long you’ve held it’s place in the relationship that you’re in. Relationships which had lasted half a year or less report alot more sex frequency — about 12per cent of relationships enduring 6 months or less reported sex once every single day or even more, with 47.81per cent reporting sex numerous times a week. The figures drop slightly, not considerably, to the 12 months mark, from which point the more significant downturn starts. 3% of relationships 1-3 years long report day-to-day intercourse, 39% have sexual intercourse numerous times a week. Even as we arrive at the 5-10 12 months mark, we’ve got 1% having day-to-day intercourse and 14% carrying it out numerous times per week.

Frequently that is regarded as proof waning desire but we don’t think that’s always reasonable — often it is difficult to get the full time, duration, also it’s just better to focus on constant intercourse over the rest that you experienced once you’ve just started somebody that is seeing.

Here’s what’s amazing, though: besides the regularity of intercourse you’re really having heading down as the relationship advances, how many times you state you wish to have intercourse falls, too. Therefore, even though gulf between wanting and having remains wide, it is clear that for a lot of relationships, what you need couple of years in is not the thing that is same wanted 2 yrs ago. Or even whenever you’re carrying it out every time you can’t imagine ever perhaps not planning to do so each day, you realize?

We additionally asked you straight “How often do you have intercourse when compared to very first year of one’s relationship? ” Of the who’d held it’s place in a 12 months or even more, just 7% said they’re having more intercourse now than in the beginning. 38% report less intercourse, 29% report significantly less sex, and 21% stated “about exactly the same. ”

Residing together seemingly have some correlation, too, but that is most likely connected pretty tightly to amount of relationship, since individuals generally move around in after they’ve been dating for some time. Within monogamous relationships, 68% of these who will be sex more often than once a time, 63% of these making love daily, and 54% of these sex numerous times per week usually do not live together. The longer you’ve been residing together, a lot more likely you’re to possess intercourse numerous times a thirty days, once per month or numerous times per year. When you’re preparation all your sleepovers at each and every other’s places, there could be an expectation of sex that simply doesn’t occur once you sleep together each night.

The length of that gap between what you would like and just just what you’re getting?

A week about half of the women in relationships who’d have sex once a day or more in their ideal lives are actually having it multiple times. 31% whom desired intercourse times that are multiple week had been having it very often, 1% were having it more frequently than numerous times per week, and 50% had been having it either once weekly or numerous times per month. This really isn’t bad, actually: sex each and every day or numerous times just about every day is not practical for many individuals, therefore the undeniable fact that people have one degree down from exactly what they’d have actually in a great world probably leads to similar satisfaction.

On the bright side, 72% of females making love significantly less than one per year and 57% of females never ever making love wished to be having it numerous times per week or higher.

Of these whom hadn’t had sex at all inside the year that is last 18% didn’t wish to have sex. We assumed that individuals people would recognize as grey-ace, demisexual or asexual, but that is not the truth — just 10% of the in a sexless relationship identified as asexual, 5.26% as gray-ace and 7% as demisexual (but we permitted visitors to select more than just one single sexual orientation, generally there may be some overlap). It’s likely that dealing with injury, coping with medical ailments or medications and aging would be the biggest contributing factors to those perhaps not wanting intercourse.

Nevertheless – 36% of these in relationships who do not have sex have not had sex with anybody, ever. Therefore, once we glance at individuals perhaps maybe perhaps not making love, we may frequently be taking a look at those who are waiting, perhaps maybe perhaps not individuals who aren’t getting whatever they desire that they had.